


God of Cruel Things

by alidiabin



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Somalia, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-07
Updated: 2012-11-07
Packaged: 2017-11-18 03:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alidiabin/pseuds/alidiabin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In her cell in Somalia, Ziva thinks of her sin and death. But something, someone won't let her die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God of Cruel Things

The room was empty as she woke her torturers were not there.

She didn't move. She refused to acknowledge the pain on her face though it still hurt. The pain radiated through her. She wanted to fall back into the pain free slumber.

It hit her she wanted to die. After thirty odd years of fighting of tears and of funerals, she wanted to die.

Had a short period of torture had broken her. No. This was the straw broke the camels back. She was sure that idiom was correct. Tony would be proud of her. Tony would never see her again.

Since her friend Chaim Hofis decapitation, she had vowed not to be captured alive in honor of her first partner and the man whom she had shared many late nights with in safe houses and motel rooms with only cheap liquor and boxes of condoms. Perhaps she would see Chaim in that heaven place that her late mother and sister had clung onto. The belief that there was a better place a reward for all this fighting. Maybe she would see Michael, Roy, or Tali.

She would see Tali's beautiful innocent smile unlike Ari and herself Tali had inherited her mothers beautiful full smile not her fathers infamous smirk. The one so many people associated with their final moments. People Ari had killed. Lives her father had taken. Human beings she herself had watched the blood stop in.

She could smell the cigarettes her torturer favored they made her nauseous. So did the pain that was slowly engulfing her entire body/ Even though she was perfectly still she was still in agony. She inhaled then exhaled even breathing hurt she felt the dust travel into her already broken body.

She moved her lips and began to recite words that a Jew recites before death she had recited them twice in her life and lived to tell the tale.

The first at ten years old when the man with a bomb strapped to his chest walked into the supermarket her mother had taken her and Tali to. They had hidden behind the freezer her mother holding her and Tali's hands and reciting the prayer in her Russian accented voice. The bomb went off by sheer luck the bomb had failed.

The second had been just over a year ago when Andy pointed a gun to her head on an undercover mission again she lived to tell the tale. She closed her eyes and spoke the words softly so the torturers were not to hear.

" _Ashamnu. Bagadnu. Gazalnu. Dibarnu dofi. He'evinu._ , _V'hirshanu. Zadnu. Chamasnu. Tafalnu shequer. Ya'atznu va._ ,  _Kizavnu. Latznu. Mavadnu. Ni'atznu. . Pasha 'nu. Tzararnu. Qishinu 'oref. Rasha 'nu,.Shichatnu. Ti'awnu. Ta'inu. Ti'ta'nu. Sarnu."_

She finished the last pain-filled syllable each movement created even more agony even more desire to die. She waited for the sweet slumber to embrace her.

She saw nothing but black. No Tali, no Roy, no Michael, no Chaim, no Jenny. No sweet innocent happy faces. Nothing. If her throat was not so hoarse and her lips so dry, she would of screamed cursing god. The god that innocent so bravely clung onto. Cursing the god, which millions of people have died in the name of. Yet she could not speak or scream. In a cruel twist of fate, the god her mother and sister believed in had not accepted her cry. God had not allowed her to die.

The stench of the cigarettes got closer the door opened and the man stood in front of her. He ripped her Star of David off her. She did not care the god she wore that in honor of had refused to let her sleep that final slumber. .

Perhaps she did not realize that it wasn't 'god' who allowed her to live it was her own strength her own refusal to die that she had thought she lost it was simply like a sleuth assassin hiding until needed. The torturers mouth opened his cigarette breath diffused the air.

"Tell me everything about NCIS" he said.


End file.
